As a parent and educator of children with autism, I've experienced the overwhelming nature of our roles firsthand. We're constantly providing care, understanding, and guidance, often within a system that doesn't fully support us. It's easy to fall into self-criticism, especially when dealing with the challenges of advocating for our child's needs or creating an inclusive learning environment. But what if the most powerful tool for resilience and well-being is one we can cultivate within ourselves: self-compassion?
In this blog, we'll explore the importance of self-compassion. Learning to be kind to yourself is a gift for yourself and those in your care.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion, as defined by researcher Kristin Neff, involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer to a friend in times of difficulty. For parents and teachers of autistic children, self-compassion can take many forms: recognizing when you're feeling overwhelmed, allowing yourself to experience emotions without judgment, and acknowledging that it's okay to have moments of struggle and that you don't have all the answers. It's about replacing self-criticism with self-kindness, especially when things don't go as planned.
Key elements of self-compassion:
• Self-kindness: Being warm and understanding toward yourself instead of harshly critical, especially when you think you make mistakes, things don't go your way, or you think you made a wrong decision for your child, your family, or your work.
• Being human: Recognize that imperfection is part of being human. As human beings, we have limitations and weaknesses. Hence, we make mistakes. However, always remember that mistakes are opportunities to grow and progress. It is an opportunity to learn something new that will make you a better person and a more loving caregiver.
• Mindfulness: Acknowledge and be present with your painful emotions rather than suppressing or exaggerating them. I have met many individuals, myself included, who suppress their emotions and feelings. Some are afraid to look weak, and some have no time to feel it. Hence, these emotions are usually pent-up. Whether you like it or not, your suppressed emotions will be like balloons that eventually burst when you put too much air in them. The bursting of these suppressed emotions can be in the form of aggression or burnout.
Why Self-Compassion Matters for Autism Parents and Teachers
You give so much to your children and students—time, energy, patience—but without offering yourself the same care, burnout becomes a real risk. Self-compassion is essential because it helps you:
• Prevent burnout: Parenting or teaching a child with autism can be physically and emotionally taxing. Self-compassion acts as a buffer that will make you feel better about yourself, reducing stress and exhaustion.
• Handle difficult emotions: Guilt, frustration, or even helplessness can surface when dealing with the unpredictability of autism. Rather than being trapped by these emotions, self-compassion encourages acceptance and a gentler approach.
• Model self-care: Children pick up on the way you treat yourself. When you practice self-compassion, you model a healthy way to deal with challenges, indirectly teaching your children resilience and self-acceptance.
Practical Ways to Cultivate Self-Compassion
Here are a few ways to start practicing self-compassion in your daily life:
• Give yourself permission to take a break: When feeling overwhelmed by your responsibilities, take a moment to pause. Even a few minutes of mindfulness—focusing on your breath or going for a short walk—can make a big difference.
• Speak to yourself with kindness: Be mindful of your inner dialogue. If you find yourself being overly critical, stop and ask yourself, "Would I say this to a friend whom I love?" Replace self-criticism with words of encouragement or empathy. Practice positive affirmation. Speak life to yourself as you speak life for others.
• Seek support: It's okay to ask for help. Acknowledging that you're not alone, whether from a spouse, a colleague, or a support group, is a powerful step to preventing overwhelm and burnout
• Practice self-care: Engage in activities that nourish your body and mind. This practice could be as simple as a hot bath, reading a favorite book, or even a hobby that brings you joy. Learn more self-care practices here or order a copy of Finding Your Lost Self: Your 30-Day Journey to Self-Love. This book outlines the different self-love practices that you can do every day.
Free Resource:
To further support you on your journey, I've created a Quick Reference Guide for Supporting Children with Autism. This guide offers practical tips, strategies, and insights to help you navigate the challenges of caregiving and teaching. Whether you're new to autism or an experienced educator or parent, this guide will be valuable for reducing stress and finding confidence in your role.
Sneak Peek: Navigating Autism with Confidence.
I'm thrilled to announce my upcoming book, Navigating Autism with Confidence: A Handbook for New and Suspecting Parents. This comprehensive guide is designed to empower parents who are new to the autism journey or suspect that their child might be on the spectrum. Filled with practical steps, emotional support, self-love and stress reduction, and actionable strategies, this book will be a vital tool to help you embrace your child's uniqueness while fostering an environment of growth, understanding, and compassion not just for your autistic child but also with yourself. Stay tuned for more details on the release!
Schedule Your Free Discovery Session
If you need help moving forward, I'm here to help. I offer free 30-minute discovery sessions where we can discuss your unique challenges, explore how self-compassion can transform your caregiving or teaching experience, and develop strategies to bring more peace and balance into your life.
Don’t miss any of our resources! I invite you to Follow our community on Facebook, Autism Caregivers Wellness Sanctuary, and discover how we can uplift one another as we learn to practice self-compassion and prioritize mental health.
Be sure to download your Quick Reference Guide for Supporting Children with Autism, and don't miss the release of my book Navigating Autism with Confidence, which is coming soon!
If you find this blog valuable, please share it with someone you know who may need this resource.
About Dolly
Dolly Tampos Oksman, MA, MAED-SPED, is a Transformational Speaker, Author, Certified Wellness Coach, Special Education Teacher, and Behavior Analyst. She is the Founder and Owner of Love. Heal. Believe. LLC.
Dolly experienced chronic stress that affected her mental and emotional health. However, when she entered the convent to be a missionary nun, she learned the secrets of how to live a fulfilled life with inner peace and joy. Today, she is sharing those secrets with you.
Dolly is on a mission to help you develop a deeper love for yourself and find long-term solutions to stress. Her new book, Finding Your Lost Self, which is also available on AMAZON and her programs & Services will take you on a step-by-step journey to a happier, healthier, and calmer life with less stress.
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